This is Article #3 in Single and Still Breathing: Subject SOCIAL: Dating and Friendship
Plenty of Fish in the Sea: Ways to Find a Date or Mate
Singles, please send us your ideas on this subject in the COMMENTS section below.
From the time you were 16 you were looking to meeting your future mate in a potential sea of fish. Warned of the dangers, yet you kept swimming, venturing into the unknown, hoping not to be swallowed up in deep waters. “What are you thinking, going into deep waters, swimming without a life jacket, taking chances when you know very well there are sharks out there and you may not come back alive!” Does this sound familiar, your parents or friends telling you similar things when they caution you about the dating world out there? You heard these cautions so much in your younger years like: don’t go steady, date in groups, just hang out.
The only problem, that was high school and now that you are an adult, and probably off your mission, finished with college, or starting your career, and where is your mate you wonder. You’re old enough now to go single date, go steady, and get married. You are hopefully mature enough to go out into the water, yet where are these fabulous fish? It seems that they are mostly swimming in fish-schools (only available if you are in college), or they are only available if you find them at a party you discovered on Facebook, yet you are meeting the same people at the same old parties and WHERE ARE THEY?
Are there really plenty of fish in the sea? If so, where do you meet them now that you are mature enough and ready? Here are some Fab Ideas for Finding a Date or Mate (Mr. / Ms. Right).
Ways to Find a Date or Mate #1 – Become a Party Queen/King
Where there is a party there is always food, or at least there should be. Friends love to munch while they mingle. However, Dallin H. Oaks said for the girls not to feed the guys (to shut down your pantry; no free food) SEE QUOTE BELOW, so we came up with this solution. We decided to have the guys feed us. At my parties my closest friends come up with a fabulous prize for the guy who brings the best treat. So, heres how we do it and why.
I usually have a pot of soup or chili or a spaghetti salad that is nutritious and some drinks, but the guys bring the goodies. When we invite everyone we say “We ask that the GUYS (not girls) bring a snack or treat. The best treat will win a prize (you will number the treats for the competition). Then the girls will choose by voting on the best. The prize winner will be announced in the middle of the party and the fab-prize will be awarded.
Then party after party the guys can compete to bring the best so they can get the prize. Just so you know, the guys come in droves for these three reasons: #1 – Guys like to eat and so they will come for sure. #2 – Guys will not dare show up without a treat. #3 – Guys will bring the best treats so they can compete for the prize. So, there you go, girls can still shut down the pantry and the guys can provide (like they are supposed to do)–a take off from the Pride and Predjudice where Collins tells Elizabeth what she is supposed to do (stay home and be a homemaker). Wow how roles have changed, but not where men bringing the snacks to the party. We girls can primp and get ready instead of slaving over a hot stove.
So, here you are with a limited number of friends, or a number so large that you don’t dare announce it on Facebook. Where do you start? Start with your closest friends or roommates and get the party hoppin’.
Incidently, my mother was the Party Queen in her day, having a party every few months with hundreds of friends popping in to play games. We call them game nights, but she had over 200 attend most of her parties and they played a variety of games WE WILL SHARE WITH YOU SOON in or PARTY section.
Ways to Find a Date or Mate #2 – Be a Ward Hopper and Meet More Singles
Ward hopping can be fun; a great way to meet new people. Find out where and when they meet and fit them in somehow to your already busy Sunday meeting schedule (see where you can fit in another meeting or two). Some I know who are successful daters go to several meeting on Sunday including firesides when they come around. Get there early and stay later so you can mingle with those coming and going. Bear you testimony when this once-a-month meeting comes up.
My friend Darya meet her husband this way. She went on a mission and met someone there who invited her to go to a sacrament meeting where they were speaking Russian. She got up and shared her feelings about the gospel in that language. A handsome man had been on a mission in Russia and heard her speak, met her and how they are happily married. This is how my parents met; she was ward hopping, got a flyer for a dance and met him there; he was the ward activities director (just like in the movie “The Single’s Ward”).
Ways to Find a Date or Mate #3 – Take Institute/Religion Classes
“S” a friend of our family, told us that one day she was listening to someone saying as she hugged her scriptures, “I just love these books.” “S” said, “How could she love those books? They aren’t even leather.” “S” like many of us–get caught up in the material things of this world and don’t connect deeply with the spiritual side.
Later our friend “S” took many institute classes and really gained a strong testimony of the standard works: Bible, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Convenants, and the Pearl of Great Price. She then became our ward’s favorite gospel doctrine teacher. She was much like the tin man in the Wizard of Oz, she had really gained a heart–a love for what was inside her “leather”-bound books.
You too can gain a greater understanding of the scriptures (even if they are not bound in leather) and have revealed to you the Book of Mormon Promise in Moroni 10:4-5 (shown below). Then compare this experience with dating – learning about a person; asking the right questions; taking the time to read a person to know if he/she is the quality you want. Apply the Book of Mormon Promise the same way.
At Institute and other religion classes you can meet people who may lead to other people who are honest in heart, really seeking to learn more about the gospel of Jesus Christ. Who knows where this may lead you, just like it brought my friend “S” to gain her testimony.
Ways to Find a Date or Mate #4 – Online Dating with a Great Profile
It’s a numbers game when it comes to online dating. You’ve got to put yourself out there; yes you can be picky. Here are a few reasons why go online and a few ways to attract the right kinds of dates.
• Widen Your Circle of Friends. It will give you new opportunities and new perspective. YOU = Your Opportunity Used will help you think, instead of sitting home, why not venture out to meet someone new. Today with the internet you have a wider range of options (some scary and some great).
• Be Honest about the Right Things. Post photos that look like you do now. You can mention your religion but don’t need to say you are endowed as this is too much information at first. You can say what you are studying in school or your job, but not how much money you make, if you own a house. Have a friend of the opposite sex scan the profiles and tell you what to write and not to write–what makes them comfortable and uncomfortable. Then create your own with their help. Have friends help you choose photos to post and what to say.
• Be Friends First. My grandmother Stella’s words of wisdom: “Treat them as friends rather than prospective dates or mates and you’ll have a lot more fun.”
• Meet and Munch. It’s nice to meet them in a public place where you can eat and talk. This is really wise to do two or three times before going on an actual date.
• Affection? Not Yet. Expecially with online dating; you don’t know the person. If you want the first date to go well, limit the expression of affection or it will appear insincere. This will leave room for the imagination for the second or third date.
MORE IDEAS ON ONLINE DATING:
You don’t need to worry if you are too short (like George where he is “cooler online” (see video below). Brad Paisley – Online
You’re got to love George in this video with his cute nurdy ways–making all of us look good, right?
Online dating can take you to others who share our same LDS beliefs, and nice when you are not surrounded by someone of LDS faith. You can venture out to meet LDS singles in other states, even 3,000 miles away (as the book below reveals). Even long-distance relationships can work out as you communicate through e-mail, phone calls, texting, etc. and if you are willing to go the distance to meet someone and date them.
Here’s a Novel Idea: Read the book/novel 3,000 Miles to Eternity – Description: Years before online dating became a respectable option, two broken and imperfect souls digitally crossed paths as they tried to find their way back to God. This fascinating true story, told through journals and emails, will have you smiling from start to finish and shedding a few tears along the way. Engaging and entertaining, it’s the perfect reminder of the power of love, redemption, and hope. This book is available at deseretbook.com. READ MORE where the authors tell about their online relationship: 5 Reasons Mormons Should Give Online Dating a Try.
MUST READ ARTICLE: To help you get started, check out Online Dating That Clicks: The LDS Guide to Online Dating. Read this first before going to these online sites: Below are just a handful of websites LDS singles commonly log on to (suggested in this article).
· ldssingles.com
· eharmony.com
· match.com
· ldsmingle.com
· ldsplanet.com
· singlesaints.com
MORE:
• Tinder app
• Bumble app
BE SAFE: “Get familiar with online dating safety before you begin. Be alert online just as you would be in real life.” (advice from an onlines site)
Watch for our upcoming articles on how to go about ONLINE DATING and attract those who have your values (COMING SOON).
Ways to Find a Date or Mate #5 – Start a Coed Book Club or Scripture Study Group
Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” Whether you are a book worm or a people person, it doesn’t matter; what matters is that you get together with other singles to talk about ideas.
Monday nights are great times for girls and guys to get together to read LDS Church books or other same-interest books and of course to study the scriptures together. Start your group and ask each person to bring a friend (15 – 20 is about right) and ask them what they want to study for each upcoming week. Take turns bringing food, e.g.: beverages to sip or crackers and cheese to munch on while you study and mingle. Take turns, assigning 3 or 4 people to bring food items and books they what they want to discuss.
It’s always nice to have someone read certain books or scriptures and do a review the next week with questions to ask and discuss. Note: If you don’t want to meet in someone’s home you can reserve a conference room at your nearby library or church.
Go to seagullbook.com or deseretbook.com to find titles of books to read and review
RECOMMENDED STUDY GUIDES FOR THE BOOK OF MORMON:
• Book of Mormon Gospel Study Companion by S. Michael Wilcox
• The Book of Mormon for Young Readers by Kelli Coughanour
Ways to Find a Date or Mate #6 – Go to the Gym and Start a Fitness Club
What a way to motivate each other to get fit by starting a fitness group. In your singles/mid-singles ward or community people are more motivated if they can workout with friends. Toss the medicine balls back and forth, jog, lift weights, play basketball, play tennis, swim, water aerobics, walk against the current (races). Sign up for fitness classes together. Do cardio (different intensity levels). Do spinning. Walking indoors or outdoors. Biking. Strength training. Cross-fit training. Cook healthy brunches or dinners together.
BENEFITS: safety (spot when need it); quality time, common intent toward fitness, motivation and support, respect and pride (taking care of health).
PLANS:
• Six Weeks to a Six-Pack
• Anytime Fitness Plan – Coed
• Tosca Rino “Your Best Body Now: Look and Feel Fabulous at Any Age the Eat-Clean Way” weight training program (she has 10 or more books out “Eat Clean” series and “Clean Eating” magazine.
Ways to Find a Date or Mate #7 – Group Temple Trips
It is such a “tweet” experience to go temple hopping. Just post when and where. You could start out with a dinner and then go or have dinner or ice cream after. These trips really help you stay motivated for at least a once-a-month trip. Remember, “There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.” Katharine Butler Hathaway
BENEFITS FROM ATTENDING THE TEMPLE: 1) Understand the doctrine; 2) Consider your relationship with Jesus Christ; 3) Can prayerfully express gratitude and ask for blessings
HOW TO PREPARE FOR A POSTIIVE EXPERIENCE: 1) Schedule regular visits (I like to place temple stickers in my monthly planner); 2) Leave in plenty of time so not to rush; 3) Remove your watch and turn off your cell when entering; 4) Listen to the presentations with an open heart and mind; 5) Think intently about the person for whom you are performing ordinances for
Ways to Find a Date or Mate #8 – Go to and Organize Single’s Activities
So, how do you make things happen? Get with friends who know people and are good organizers and have connections and begin moving toward the types of activities and planning those you would like to attend. If you don’t feel quite comfortable with your image, get a makeover and then take your mind off self (see article: Keep Love Alive #1-3).
There should never be a dull moment; you’re single! Obligations to a job and taking care of yourself and your home/apartment yes, but there’s more. Take on something extra.
I grew up with the Matt and Dian Bjarnsen family who have a different letter of the alphabet for each week and they organized all their fun activities including family home evening around that letter. It was a blast being around them. So, on “M” week we watched a movie, ate “M&M” candies, “marched” as we came to dinner. We even made “mud” pies in the backyard. So, get your imagination working the same way with single activities. If you are a leader, have your committee help.
A-Z Ideas:
• Appetizer Night (bring your favorite appetizer plate and watch movies or play games)
• Cave Jack-o-lanterns
• Christmas Caroling
• Christmas Light Displays
• Guess-Whose-Coming to Dinner*
• Potluck Fireside, Progressive Dinner (this is also fun to do at restaurants: start at one for appetizers, another for soup and salad, another for main course, another for dessert)
• Regional Choir
• Road Rally
• Sports Event
• Spur-of-the-moment (more ideas to come)
READ MORE (article Beyond Dances and Mingles)
DETAILS:
• “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?” Each month, the activities committee sends around a sign-up sheet to get names of those who would like to attend a potluck dinner, then divides the list into groups of seven or eight. One person hosts the meal and makes food assignments to other group members. Each month the groups are scrambled so that ward members get to know many different people. One night we had a dinner where we all had to eat with kitchen cooking utencils, like a spatula instead of a spoon, a can opener instead of a fork; it was weard and fun! So, you can put your twist on these activities. One idea might be to feed each other the dessert.”
Ways to Find a Date or Mate #9 – Start GAME NIGHTS – Get Your Game On!
Rumi said, “Take someone who doesn’t keep score,
who’s not looking to be richer, or afraid of losing,
who has not the slightest interest even
in his own personality: he’s free.”
We all know that at GAME NIGHTS we can really be ourselves; we go to a world where we are not screened or scrutinized but everyone accepts us “as is” and we are free. This is why we must say it and say it often “Get Your Game On! We all love competition right? Game nights are a blast and we must have a blast! Never should a game in our closet have dust on it! Let us know your favorite games to play.
Get your friends together and start here for ideas. You could divide your party into groups to play and then mix-them-up even if you play the same game again and again.
MY FAVORITE GAMES:
• Snorta – The Family Game Where Everyone Acts Like an Animal! This is so fun where you draw an animal figure from a bag and place it in front of your barn in the beginning and make the animal sound. Then place it in the barn and then draw cards to make matches and then snort or make the sound of your partner who has the same card you just drew before they do, or you must take their pile of cards (not good). This really brings out personalities and fun conversations.
• Speed, using the Skip Bo (card game) only you don’t take turns you just play; dealing 20 cards to start. Gets the mind going.
• Crazy Rook using the Rook cards
• Pass the Pig is a game where the pigs are the dice
• Twister is great for adults who like to get tangled up; it’s funny. Remove shoes and spin to determine where to place your feet (2-3 players at a time).
• COMING SOON in our party section games that don’t require game boards–tons of fun. Here’s a few to get you started.
PARTY GAME #1: CHOCOLATE MONSTER
It involves at least 5-8 players and chocolate. Everyone who loves chocolate will love this one.
1. Purchase: 10 or more Hershey’s chocolate candy bars and two die (set of dice).
2. To Set-up: Open the chocolate bar package (one at a time as you go) and lay the bar(s) onto a plate as needed onto a pie tin or plate with a butter knife. Set of two dice.
3. To Play: Sitting around a table with chocolate bar on a plate with knife in the center of the table. Start with one person tossing die towards the next player. If player SHAKES DOUBLES they become the Chocolate Monster and they can eat the bar one square at a time, using the knife. Rule: If knife touches their mouth they must stop). Otherwise the Chocolate Monster eats until the next player shakes doubles.
PARTY GAME #2: WOULD YOU RATHER? (ice breaker game) Would you rather find true love or win the lottery? . . . READ MORE
Ways to Find a Date or Mate #10 – Have Family Home Evening Discussion Nights
Family home evenings need not be with anyone else but yourself. On Monday nights you can shut your door to the world and have your own private time (read article Family Home Evening for One by Judyth F. Barton). She talks about starting with an opening prayer to ask for the Spirit and spending time rearching a question in the scriptures or reading from your personal library, or pursuing a cultural activity and more.
Yet there are times when you will want company with friends where you can do activities together, say once a month. Here you can have meaningful discussions, bouncing gospel ideas back and forth or creating your own little fireside to have someone come who is knowledgeage on a certain gospel topic. Here’s more ideas on making a group family home evening great — discussion nights and more:
• Listen to a tape/talk by a general authority or other Church leader pausing to talk about the gospel topic
• Toss out questions to discuss
• Study the Family Home Evening manual. Elder Dunn adds, “This manual is one of the best resources, behind the scriptures, to help in the accomplishment of the mission of the Church—to preach the gospel, perfect the Saints, and redeem the dead.”
Ways to Find a Date or Mate #11 – Do a Double Date / Blind Date
Ways to Find a Date or Mate #12 – Go Country, Hip Hop, Salsa, or Ballroom Dancing
Ways to Find a Date or Mate #13 – Take a Hike to City Trails
Ways to Find a Date or Mate #14 – Organize a Speed Dating Night
Get, ready, get set, go! You have five minutes to ask questions, give answers, and then switch places to interact with new people at a Speed Dating Night. Here you can be a personal match-maker to yourself and your friends with a speed dating session. Have your friends each bring a friend they have screened either by meeting them online with a first meet-and-greet, or someone you/they know who hasn’t appeared on your social scene lately. It could be someone in your singles ward / mid-singles ward.
With the Speed Dating Night you-all can come exchange glances, flirt, smile, and chat. Each person comes with three questions to ask and sets the timer going from chair to chair with a table inbetween. Chit chat for 5 minutes each. You can exchange numbers then or when you mingle when it’s over. Each guest can bring a special snack/treat to share. Don’t forget to place a name tag on each person at the beginning. What a fun way to expand your horizons on dating.
Just like all online dating–use caution; have a meet and greet for the first date in a public place.
Ways to Find a Date or Mate #15 – Have an Online Dating Party
You go online and find tons of first-date feed-and-flirts, but they don’t call; you hope they don’t call, or you hope they call but you don’t hear from them or they don’t respond to your texts-of-encouragement.
So, here’s the plan. Why not share these first date finds (that fizzled) with your friends? Once you screen them of course, and know they are real and ok to date–right? So, here’s the idea. Have an Online Dating Party. Have all your friends invite at least one or two and you will have a whole bunch of people you have never met. They don’t feel threatened by your asking them because it’s a party! Plus, you might have a second change to make a first impression with him/her that you were hoping to see again.
Ideas for the Online Dating Party:
• Who Found Who Game: Have everyone write something about the person who found them online and then read them aloud and try to guess who found who? Award a price for those who guess.
• What About You Tag: Write on a note to pin on the back of each person: “Favorite Color,” “Talent,” “Hobby/Interest,” “Astrological Sign,” “What You Wanted to Be as a Kid.” Then when the party is going strong or winding down, read these and see if you have matches: people with the same. Have those people with the “same” give each other a high five.
Ways to Find a Date or Mate #16 – Be a Star by Sharing Your Talents
People really love to show off their talents. If you want to see a funny movie where talents are displayed, watch the Mormon / Baptist movie “Baptists at our Barbeque.” A talent night or nights can be a blast–featuring certain people each night. Even do Karaoke to show off singing talents (even if you can’t sing–sing anyway). If you want to do a fund raising activity you could auction off talents where others pay to get help, like an interior design consultation, photography session, plumbing, etc.
Ways to Find a Date or Mate #17 – Have an Extra-Mile – Extra-Smile Service Party
Meeting singles when they are involve in the Church and community service lets us see a side to others we may not see in other social mingles. Many couples that serve together stay together. As you help with service projects and fundraising activities it helps you feel you are part of a group. At first you may not know people; however this is a good thing, service is an opportunity to get to know people.
SERVICE PROJECT IDEAS:
• Free babysitting for married couples who want a night out or want to attend the temple together (which is rare these days; most couples have to go alone while they take turns watching children); this is a great service. Simple announce this service a few weeks in advance so parents (and singles) can plan ahead and the “singles can meet at the LDS institute building—where they have access to the kitchen, a video recorder for showing cartoons, and the nursery toy closet—and spend an enjoyable evening getting to know one another while they play with the children.” READ MORE (article Beyond Dances and Mingles)
• Working on political campaigns
• Volunteering at youth detention centers
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS ON THIS SUBJECT BELOW
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: Embellishments found on the quote posters on this page can be purchased from memorymixer.com – COVER: Kelly Hann Mize “Surf and Sand,” (cover) Paula Phillips “Somethings Fishy,” (cover, 16); background paper by Ettes and Co by Fayette (all) “Time 4 me” Book of Mormon Promise, 5-15, 16), and “Must Love Blogs” (#17); Magical Reality Designs “Friendship Party” (#1); Fly Pixel Studio “Best Friends” (#2, 3), “Happy Place” (after #1 Dallan H. Oaks quote)
